A lot of trainers in writing will tell you the following.
“The reader’s interest is highest at the beginning of the sentence and drops away as they keep reading.”
(This idea is shown by the red arrow in this diagram.)
“Therefore,” they go on, “you should always place the most important point first in the sentence.”
(Shown by the green arrow.)
I disagree with this – and in fact it’s quite easy to show why this idea is wrong.
Read the following passage quickly and then shut your eyes. What part of the passage do you remember?
Climate change will present major water resource management challenges given Australia is a naturally dry continent and it has a growing demand for water.
If you are like the vast majority of people, what you will remember is “….has a growing demand for water.”
That’s right – you tend to remember the last point you read. The last point – and not the first!
So to be effective for the reader, we should alter the order in which the points are presented, like this:
Given Australia is a naturally dry continent and it has a growing demand for water, climate change will present major water resource management challenges.
We now have the critical point in the right part of the sentence, but “climate change will present major water resource management challenges” is a bit of a mouthful.
Let’s change the word order a little more:
Given Australia is a naturally dry continent and it has a growing demand for water, climate change will present major challenges for water resource management.
Now nearly all readers will understand that the point is: “climate change will present major challenges for water resource management.”
Here’s another example:
ICT services are becoming increasingly important to staff in Canberra and in regional offices to deliver effective outcomes.
The author wants to emphasise the importance of ICT services – but that point is diluted. Let’s change the sentence around.
To allow staff in Canberra and regional offices to deliver effective outcomes, ICT services are becoming increasingly important.
Note how this revised version now flows into the next sentence that will be about ICT services – the point of the piece of writing.
Here’s another.
We expect suppliers who work with us to act in an ethical manner and support our values so we can achieve mutual trust in our relationships and ensure our business dealings withstand public scrutiny.
The ‘takeaway’ of many readers? We want to withstand public scrutiny!
Better to present it like this:
To achieve mutual trust in our relationships and ensure our business dealings withstand public scrutiny, we expect suppliers who work with us to act in an ethical manner and support our values.
See how much stronger it is?
Always look at the order of words in your sentences and see if the outcome you are achieving is the one you actually want!
Julian can be contacted directly or courses in writing can be arranged through training provider Anne Jenkins and Associates.
