Many emails you write in government or business are ‘action emails’ – those where you are asking someone you supervise to perform a task or tasks.
Said like that it sounds quite straightforward but in fact many of the people I train have problems with this type of email.
What sort of problems then?
Jill and Karen
Let’s take Jill. Jill is ex-military and is used to writing clear, concise action emails.
A typical Jill email might read like this:
Brian,
Please do the following.
Write and circulate an email advising unit members that the meeting of Sept 1 has now been changed to Sept 10 – same venue.
Chase up IT re everyone having two monitors for their PCs.
Ensure that staff in the unit are familiar with the evacuation policy.
The deadline for these tasks is COB on August 5.
Jill
Jill sees the email as having clarity and direction. But how does Brian see it? He sees it as abrupt, rather rude and certainly dictatorial!
A different type of email writer is Karen. She takes great pains to be gentle and polite. Here is how she writes the same email.
Hi Brian,
If you have time – and I know how busy we all are – I wonder if you could possibly do some things for me? The meeting room that we were going to use on September 1 has been double-booked (we really should do something about the booking system – maybe call Jane?) and so we’ll need to move the meeting date. I think that perhaps September 10 might work for everyone. Another thing that’s concerning me is the length of time it is taking for everyone to get two monitors for their PCs. As we discussed (and I know that Jeffrey agrees with this) productivity would be much better if we could use two monitors – as you know, it works really well because you can have your email up on one monitor and be working on the other screen. I don’t suppose it matters if the monitors are slightly different sizes because you could always use the smaller one for the email. I hear on the grapevine that next week we might be having a trial evacuation! That’s great fun (like having a picnic in the park, isn’t it?) so it’s important that everyone is familiar with the current policy.
Best regards,
Karen
Now when Brian gets this email, he groans under his breath - Karen is a nice person but why on earth does she write emails like these?
Brian then goes through the email line by line, trying to find what he actually has to do. He quickly concludes that if taken literally, he doesn’t have to do anything (“If you have time” the email said – and he doesn’t) but that he assumes Karen actually does want him to do some things.
But what things?
She doesn’t actually say that he needs to rebook the meeting room – but that’s probably what she meant. She doesn’t actually ask him to contact IT about the monitors, but again that’s probably what she wants him to do. Anything else? Nope – except we’re going to have a trial evacuation next week.
For Brian, reading Karen’s email is torture – and he missed one of his tasks.
Warm Fuzzies
The difference in Brian’s emotional reaction to the emails relate primarily to tone. In writing, tone is most easily established by ‘warm fuzzies’ – friendly phrases and empathy.
Think of warm fuzzies as the smile that might have been in the voice when giving oral instructions, or the positive body language that might have occurred in a one-on-one meeting. Warm fuzzies are needed in writing – but not if the message then becomes so diluted that it is ineffective.
If, as in Karen’s email above, the warm fuzzies are integrated with the action tasks, the result is confusion.
If, as in Jill’s email above, warm fuzzies are entirely absent, then the result can cause offence.
Benita’s email
So how do we achieve a balance? One of the best approaches is to separate the ‘warm fuzzies’ from the tasks. Look at this email, written by Benita.
Hi Brian,
Some things have come up that I’d like you to address. I know that you are pretty busy at the moment but with Jane away, I’d like you to handle them.
I’d like these done by the close of business on August 5 (that’s next Friday).
1.Please ensure that all staff in the unit are familiar with the evacuation policy. I understand that there may be a test of that familiarity next month.
2. Please write and circulate an email advising unit members that the meeting of September 1 has now been changed to September 10. It will be at the same venue.
3.I haven’t heard back from IT regarding our request for two monitors for each PC. Can you please contact them and find what the issues are?
If there are any issues, please contact me.
Regards,
Benita
Consider for a moment how Brian reads the email. His eyes skip past his name (everyone can read their own name without actually looking at the word) and then very rapidly skim the first paragraph. He’s not really reading the first paragraph – instead he’s just absorbing the tone. The first time he stops to read carefully is the line about the deadline, and then at each of the tasks.
Note that the deadline is placed before the tasks, so that the tasks can be assessed in the context of that deadline.
Also note that the tasks have been numbered, implying an order of importance.
Finally, he skims his eyes past the last line – the one that establishes that Benita is available to provide help.
Brian has not been treated rudely or high-handedly. The tone is not offensive or belittling or dictatorial. But at the same time, Brian has rapidly gained a clear idea of what he has to do and the timeframe in which he has to do it.
Sandwich rule
Apply the sandwich rule.
- That is, start the email with a warm and friendly tone. (However, this warm and friendly introduction should never be long.)
- Present the tasks, numbered (or bulleted) and written as separate points.
- Finally, finish by again using a warm and friendly tone.
The tasks are then in a ‘sandwich’ of warm fuzzies.
Note that the ‘warm fuzzies’ don’t have to be way over the top – you want them to help the message, not detract from it.
Julian can be contacted directly or courses in writing can be arranged through training provider Anne Jenkins and Associates.
